


Autumn Sonata

by Herodia



Category: Autumn Sonata (Höstsonaten), Metal Gear
Genre: Bestialization of Men, Corpses, F/F, Genderbending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lesbian Sex, Mention of Yeast Infection, Misandry, Misogyny, Mother-Daughter Relationship Dynamics, mention of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 13:48:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18053672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herodia/pseuds/Herodia
Summary: Ocelot comes to FoxHound and brings old memories. Story based on Ingmar Bergman's Autumn Sonata. (But you don't have to see it to understand the fic.)





	Autumn Sonata

Sometimes I stand at the doorway, watching her, pretending she doesn't know I’m here. At times I almost believe that I caught her by a surprise. I wish I could see in her, as she sees in me. The first time she arrived here, she looked at the endless Alaskan tundra and she said, “ _ Oh, I might as well feel at home here.”   _

She spoke so often of hatred, blaming the humanity for her own inner cataclysm. She promised to be a woman never relying on anyone but herself. I would like to tell her just for once that she doesn’t have to. That she’s loved. But she chases my thoughts away and makes the words on my lips disappear.

..

“Ocelot! So they really are so fed up with you, that they sent you here!”

She was late, but not by her fault. It was the merciless Alaskan weather, that caused her delay. As if even Alaska, didn’t want her near. 

Mantis stood in the storm, not moving a bit, as she waited for her to arrive. She was now frozen to her bone, but she didn’t mind. It calmed the fire inside her, that burnt through the moment Ocelot’s helicopter finally took off.

“Oh, as if it wasn’t you, that begged me to come in your cute little letter.” She waved away a soldier, who tried to help her with her suitcase. “Nice to see you too, Mantis.”

There was no need for more words, they walked inside side by side in silence, as the storm became stronger and louder.

It was not until they were in, what was considered a warmed quarters by the US given heating budget, that Mantis realized the water soaked through her coat, to her clothes and skin. She threw her coat away, planning to deal with it later. While Ocelot took off hers with all of her grace. There was no drop of water on her clothes.

“I have something for you, my girl.” Ocelot said, as she searched through her coat.

“Here.” She handled her a postcard.

Mantis took it with suspicion. “What is it?”

“Do you remember Berlin? When you went there, just because Liquid was on the Western side?”

“I remember that you sent me there to do your job, without bothering to mention she was there. Not that it mattered back then, we wouldn’t be able to see each other anyway.”

“And I assume you do remember being dragged back to Brno and interrogated, until I helped you out?”

“It’s not the way I remember it, but yes, I do remember that.”

“They are getting rid of the StB archives. So I picked up this one for you.” She handled her a photography, that she didn’t recognize.

“Is that..?” It wasn’t until she took it in her hand, that she realized it was a postcard.

“It’s the letter that caused your little trouble.”

The postcard showed a statue of a man carrying a flower bouquet. It was far from Mantis’ interest. Little explanation came, even after she turned it around. The message that they stored for years said only, ‘ _ We are so close, yet it feels like there's a Wall between us.’  _ with a little heart instead of the signature.

She stared at it like on a piece of puzzle she found years after giving up on finishing the picture, just to realize the piece was pure  black. _ “ _ I’m going to kill her and then the person, who considered this a threat.”

“Oh, don't bother. She won't remember anymore and that man is already dead. Rather tell me, how is your work doing? I heard the outcomes weren't very pleasant.”

“I do my job and I do it right. It’s just those up there that don't like what they hear.”

“I'm looking forward to seeing you work, then.”

..

They stood in the interrogation room. Mantis, who was always only confident about her work, was now eager to hear Ocelot’s verdict. Taken aback by the sudden feeling of vulnerable uncertainty, that Ocelot's expression caused in her.

“That was quite a performance, Mantis. But tell me, did he really say what he believed or was it just what you wanted to hear from him?”

“Do you doubt me, Ocelot?”

“Not at all. Only your techniques. Tell me, my girl, how far in his mind can you truly go, without affecting yourself?”

“Far enough to make him regret he was born.”

“Then you won’t mind if I practice on the other one? If you have truly made the man confess all he knew, then his companion might just confirm it.”

“Do as you will, Ocelot. I know you just want to get your kicks from it.”

..

They brought her in. She was afraid, but calm. She was not impressed by the intimidating darkness of the interrogation room. She was well trained. There was no anger coming from her, unlike the man before her. She didn’t fight, when they tied her to the chair, that smelled like death, that someone tried to cover with a strong disinfectant, but didn’t try very hard. She didn’t flinch, when the old woman appeared in the red light. Threatening her was harder than that. To her the old woman looked more like a nurse, that likes to bully her patients, than a government agent.

“From what I read in your file, you’re pretty good.” The clap of the woman’s boots was unnecessarily loud. “Thirty years in your field is a long time.” 

She stopped in front of her.

“You don’t have to be shy, Maria. I’m sure you realize, what situation you are in and that you won’t avoid talking now.” As the woman said her name- her real name, not the one she used for her work- she looked her deep in the eyes. And in her eye’s Maria saw nothing but her own reflection. Never in her life, she saw eyes so hollow. There was always something. Anger, cruelty, pleasure. But not now. There was nothing.

She was so taken back, she didn’t notice an arm that reached to her from behind, until she felt a finger on her lips. She wanted to push it away, but she couldn’t move. The finger was spreading something across her lips in careful strokes. When it stopped, Maria made the mistake of closing her mouth and involuntary tasting what was put on it.

To her surprise there was no trace of a poison, the toxic flavour she expected she was not there.

“Oh, sorry. Your lips were so dry. I figured out it might help you talk.” A voice whispered to her ear, hard breath louder than the words itself. She wanted to look at the person with such a voice, but she couldn’t move her head to look.

“Thanks.” She tested her voice. So she could at least move her mouth to speak. Of course she could. How else would they get what they want from her.

“Now, Maria. When you learned to talk, you surely will tell us, who send you. Don’t say the UN, we want names not lies.” She turned to a table. When she faced Maria again, she held an unnecessarily long needle. “My name by the way is Shalashaska. I’m sure that woman as experienced, as you had heard of me.”

She did hear of her. Of course she did.

“I did hear of you.” She said. “You know Shalashaska, I’ve always respected you.” Shalashaska smiled at her, she looked deep in those blank eyes and continued her confession. She noted the slight giggle from the person behind her, even before she finished speaking. ”But now that I met you, I have no reason so respect you, anymore.”

The giggle behind her turned into a soft laugh. Too feminine even for a squeaking man. So it was a woman behind her. Of course, no man would carry a lip balm on him, nor notice her dry lips. What confused her was, that Shalashaska was always said to work alone. Not that many people lived to tell.

She must have admitted, the needle in the red gloved hand looked quite intimidating. She felt every bit of it sliding into her, as Shalashaska pierced her neck with it. Better than most dicks.

The moment she was done Shalashaska disappeared behind her.

Maria waited for the drug to take effect. She knew the woman was using something strong and was curious about her choice of a drug. She had heard some theories on what she uses. At least at the edge of her life, she will have the chance to find out which of them was right.

It started slow, she didn’t notice at first, that she now could hear the muffled whispers from behind her. She noticed only when the clock got louder. There were no clocks in the room, but she still heard them ticking. Then another joined. She hadn't heard them before, they had to be at least a room away, from a each side. She counted them. Three clocks were restlessly ticking for her.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. At rare moments she could hear a rustle from behind. It blocked away the ticking. Giving her a moment of relief.

Her breath got harder and her body trembled. She was cold, but her head burnt, as if the hellfire was sparked inside of her skull, before she even had the chance to die. And the fire grew stronger with every tick.

“Ocelot, I think she’s ready.” A cold hand laid on her head. She never felt so grateful to be touched. Even the words weren’t as loud as the ticking of the clock.

“She sure is.”

The previously so kind hand was lifted from her head and its fingers tapped her skull.

_ Tap. _

_ Tap. _

_ Tap. _

She screamed, when she screamed, she couldn’t hear the clock.

..

“I told you he was lying, Mantis. They are trained to resist psychics. Who knows how many false information had you put in already. But don’t worry, I won’t let it happen again.” Ocelot cleaned her little torture tools, examining each one, even the ones she didn’t use, before putting them back to her fancy leather case.

“Stroking your ego much, are you?” Mantis answered with her best unimpressed tone. She examined the body of the woman, still tied to the chair. It was quite an experience to see her break from her performative calmness into a whimpering wreck, begging for silence. She, of course, was present along many torture sessions before. However Ocelot always seemed to come with something new.

“If you did better, you could too, but alas.” Ocelot turned to her. “I believe you learned a lot today.”

“Oh, yes I did. I realized I need to refill my migraine pills.”

“You get migraine pills?”

“It’s just a strong sedative.”

“I don’t believe you are allowed near anything strong. Are you still fading when you forged your magnesium?” The sarcasm in her voice made Mantis remember, why she didn't miss the woman.

“No, I now keep it next to vodka in case I forget to take one or other.”

“So, I take it like you need a lesson more?” Ocelot pushed her back and down on the still occupied chamber chair. She landed on the colding body.

“Oh, are you going to teach me like you used to, Ocelot?” She made herself comfortable on the lap of the dead woman. “Are you not in a bit ashamed of yourself after all that time?”

“I’m not ashamed for things far worse than that.” She moved her hand across her pretty torture tools, caressing the leather around them.

“What would my girl wish for?”

“Surprise me. You wouldn’t give me what I asked for anyway.”

Ocelot took out one of her phials, looking at it throughout the light. Mantis couldn’t read the small words on it. She had planned to clean the lenses of her mask for days and it finally paid her back. It would ruin the fun, anyway.

She tilted her head, to give her a better access to her neck. She did not have disgusting thought about the sensation of the needle in her, like the woman before her, but she enjoyed the pain the same.

“Let’s start with something easy.” Ocelot patted a side of her mask, where it hid her cheek. “You are still not over your little head shaving phase?”

“If you wanted to teach me the art of being so annoying it feels like a torture, then you don’t need to bother, Ocelot.”

Ocelot petted her head, the sharp hair of her buzzcut stabbed her fingers. “Oh, but they were so pretty.”

She felt a warmth spread throughout her body. “Some of us prefer convenience to pretty looks.”

“They do and it’s a terrible decision if you ask me. The best of us can make any look convenient.”

“Do you always start an integration with a friendly lecture about one’s appearance?” Ocelot’s fingers on her burnt.

“Just sometimes.” She smiled. “Now to the interrogation part. Let’s ask perhaps,.. Do you like me or not?”

The gloved hand moved around her neck, leaving burning marks on it. Pressing just in the right places without blocking her speech. “I can imagine you are longing for the answer.” The hand around her neck closed tight. “You are- You know the answer, you are like a mother to me.”

“That’s not an answer.” If the hold was strong before, it felt crushing now.

She enjoyed every single breath Ocelot deprived her of. A tear that escaped her eye fell across her cheek. She could never be sure, if Ocelot was going to let go in time and she appreciated it.

She felt a hand on her abdomen, slowly sliding to her crotch, palming her cunt through her pants and Mantis pressed to the touch almost shamelessly. She was grateful for her leather pants, that they won’t soak through and tell Ocelot just as good her touch felt. Then the hand pulled away and slipped under her pants.

Mantis reached for it, before it could get under her underwear.

The hold around her neck loosened.

“Fuck off.”

Ocelot pulled away from her, leaving only the memory of her touch and underwear to change. “What is it, are we suddenly faithful to our love?”

“As if that ever stopped me before. No, I don’t want a yeast infection from fucking on a half warm body.” She got up from the chair, prepared to leave as if nothing ever happened.

“It sounds like you have quite a story to tell.” Ocelot smiled, as she watched her leave.

..

Her sleep was light. She was trained, so her sleep never gives her rest and keeps her on the edge. She wasn’t meant to live so long to mind. Still, she stayed calm, when the cold hand touched hers. Why not to at least pretend?

The hand held hers for a moment, then it traveled to her face and held it in a cold embrace. She didn’t move a bit, until they reached her neck.

She was quicker, than the other would expect. She caught her wrists in one hand and reached for her head with the other. Her arm met with an empty air.

“What is it, my girl?” She watched the shadow in the corner of her eye. “I know you are here.”

She listened, like she always did at the end. She appeared in front of her, her face centimeters from her eyes. She didn’t wear her mask and her breath smelled of booze.

“I hate you.” There was a relief in her voice, that Ocelot didn’t hear from her ever before.

She put her palm on the girl’s cheek, caressing it gently. “I know.” She whispered and slapped her with the very same hand, that she used to pet her with. “So many good ways to kill and you pick this one.”

Her head twitched as the slap landed, when she looked at her again, her face was twisted with betrayal, kind of like a spoiled dog that disobeys and is upset when it’s punished. Tears formed at the corner of her cold blue eyes, as she watched the woman who she dared to call a mother a long time ago. Around her neck, bruises already formed.

Ocelot pinned her unwanted daughter to the bed with force, that took away her breath. When she gasped for it, she took her chance and slammed their lips together. It was a gross, wet kiss. She could taste blood on her mouth. The stupid girl had to bite her own tongue.

“Mother-” Mantis gasped. Ocelot straightened, sitting across the girl and slapped her again. “Don’t call me that.”

Mantis just laughed.

“Mami.”

She was hit again, but it wasn’t just a good intentioned maternal slap anymore. Ocelot hit her face with her fist. She laughed, but didn’t repeat it again. Instead, she did what she could, to kick down her pants.

It was Ocelot’s time to laugh, when she caressed her laced underwear. “Did you dress up for me?”

“Fuck off.” Mantis said, pulling Ocelot closer to herself with her powers. She buried her head between her breast. “Just get on with it.”

Ocelot tore away from her. “If you wanted to cuddle, you came to the wrong person.” Mantis answered by spreading her legs on the bed. It was amusing, how she could give a neverending speech about what she hates, but couldn’t just ask for sex verbally when it came to it. Not even after the 30 years she's had to learn.

Not that Ocelot wouldn’t enjoy, when her bedmate was a little broken. She moved between her thighs. Sliding her hands across her waist. “They  _ are  _ quite nice.” She said, as she pulled the fancy panties down her skinny legs.

“Yes.” Mantis answered. Her tone emotionless. She pulled her shirt off without waiting for the command. Not that she had anything to show off. Ocelot leaned forward her and put her mouth across her breast. Mantis moaned to her touch.

She looked up on the girl. It was such a nice combination of pain and pleasure on her face. She bit down on her nipple.

Mantis yelped.

The mark Ocelot’s teeth left on her were almost bigger than the breast itself. Mantis pushed Ocelot down on her back, switching their positions. She kissed the woman under her.

“Mama.” She whispered. Disappearing before the hit landed and reappearing between Ocelot’s legs. She crawled under her nightgown. Burying her head between her legs.

“Hiding under mother’s skirt?” Ocelot said ironically, before she felt her tongue on her crotch. She licked her through her underwear. Placing wet kisses right on her clit. Ocelot couldn’t help but press towards her, as she ate her out.

Mantis pulled back and took the panties with her. She threw them carelessly on the floor. Ocelot wanted to sit up, but she pinned her back with an invisible force and used her free hands to pull Ocelot’s nightgown as far as to reveal her breasts.

She kissed her again. Taking a control of the kiss. Her fingers slipped back to her crotch, caressing Ocelot’s clit, as she sat astride on her thigh, enjoying the pressure on her cunt.

She slipped three fingers inside her without gentleness, disappointed, when Ocelot didn’t react to the violation. She worked her fingers inside her, humping on Ocelot’s thigh.

She knew when Ocelot came, she could feel the joy, coming from her. She let go of the invisible bond. Ocelot answered by pulling her down from her leg and pinning her down once again. She laughed as she forced her own fingers inside her, as cruelly as Mantis did herself, working them in an out. She brushed on her clit, just enough to make her whimper.  _ Like a mother like a daughter. _

She leaned forward and whispered to her ear. “I’ve always thought of fucking you with a gun. We will have a lot of time to do that now.” She kissed Mantis, biting on her tongue and lips. The lamp on the night table flickered and its light turned red. Mantis came with tears in her eyes.

..

They laid side by side on the bed in post-orgasmual honesty. Looking at the ceiling, as if it held any answers.

“I’ve always wondered. Why do you hate me?" She took a deep breath. "When did you decide that it’s me that deserves to feel all of your anger?” Mantis wasn't expecting to receive an answer.

“First you tell me, why do you hate me?”

“You know, I’ve been thinking about that one a lot. I thought I hated you many times, but when I truly did? It was that time back in Brno, not because you didn’t help me out, when they tortured me, but because you didn’t stop them from driving me away and leaving me in that forest without a map or my mask. I was raped before, but it never hurt as much as back then, when the border guard caught me. I never felt a mind worse than one of a boy, that hasn’t seen a woman in years. They couldn't even name what they did in their heads. You know that it has many names, lay, claim, rape, sodomize. They couldn’t even think of a word as simple as  _ fuck.” _

“Oh, but you killed them didn’t you?”

“Not thanks to you. I’ve never felt a mind as feral as theirs and when their heads finally cleared, I had to listen to their thoughts, about keeping me in their cabin, so they can use me again and again. Then when one of them finally formed a clear thought about what he has done, he thought he may be in love.”

“That was foolish of him.”

“It was. And even after I got back. Walked all the way from the border on my own. You didn't even bother signing the abortion permission for me. You told me to take care of myself for once.”

“And you did. It was quite a lesson, wasn't it?”

“When I saw you coming out of that helicopter, I remembered why I so often dreamed about killing you. If I did and you returned the next day, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you again.”

“And what does stop you from it?”

“I already killed a mother once. She ruined my life for it.”

“Did I ever tell you about my own mother? Her fate was rather tragic. She was killed by my father, so he could finish his mission and I could live. Still, to this day she claims she didn’t mind. You know, _on the day of execution only women kneel and smile_.”

“With all the shit life forced on me, I will smile too once it’s all over.”

“You’re a clever girl. You always reminded me of the gifted girls that seemed to slip around me all my life and took what I wanted with no effort.”

“What did I ever take that I didn’t have to fight for.”

“That’s an interesting question. Think about it.”

“So nothing. You just force me into shit to get your little revenge over every woman who is not me.”

“Oh, no no no. You have something that came so easy, you don’t even realize you have it.”

“My powers?”

“No. Her. Imagine giving someone your whole life, and then a little ugly girl comes and just takes her.”

“You know I’m actually glad I can’t read your mind. I’ve seen through enough sick and evil heads, but none of them was as abhorrent as yours.”

“Are you scared it would absorb you like that FBI girl?”

“Helena? Oh no. I enjoyed every moment of it. Every single head of those fuckers that fell down their necks. She gave me what she promised to, but you? You never keep your word. I would never want to be like you. Not even in the smallest bit of what you call personality.”

“If that’s what you want to believe.”

..

I’ve been awake, since she left the bed. It’s not unusual for her to do so, her sleep is light. But tonight. It was different. I forbid her from it, but she still did.

“Mantis, where have you been?” I asked her, as she opened the door, her shadow traced by the light from the hallway. She avoided my eyes, and closed the door to bury us in darkness once again.

“Just for a walk.” She slipped under the covers, laying her head on my chest.

“Okay.” What was I to say?

I held her in my arms.

“You know I love you Mantis, right?”

“I do.”

_ A mother and a daughter–what a terrible combination of feelings and confusion and destruction. Everything is possible and everything is done in the name of love and solicitude. The mother’s injuries are to be handed down to the daughter, the mother’s disappointments are to be paid for by the daughter, the mother’s unhappiness is to be the daughter’s unhappiness. It’s as if the umbilical cord had never been cut. The daughter’s grief is the mother’s secret pleasure. _

**Author's Note:**

> Freudians don't interact. There's a Jung reference tho. (Not Electra)


End file.
